Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
20 People You Can Think Of Right Off Your Head
...no specific order...
8. ashley s.
13. James F.
16. Sarah G.
19. Beth R.
Describe 20 in one word:
I can't....seriously...to much emotion when It comes to ian...most not so good
How did you meet 13?
At my highschool probably threw a friend. I know he dated Tasha but who knows where or by who we met. we where great friends when he lived here.
What would you do if you never met 5
NOthing much would change...Joel isn't anything much and will never be
What do you honestly think of 10?
i don't think she really likes me...and I think she can be imature...as everyone. she says thinks that are so a high school thing to say if that makes sence. but she's cool and fun to hang with OH and I think she's making a big mistake with her Boyfriend
Have you ever liked 3?
well not at first but I think he is ok now. but not like how you mean it...NEVER!!!
If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need them to know?
that are wonderful and beautiful and simply a joy
Would 1 and 11 make a good couple?
Do you think 12 is hot?
IN a sexy ugly way he's interesting we had good sex though
Would 2 and 17 make a lovely couple?
I think tony is too lazy for sarina
Do you know any of 4's family members?
he has a sister but no I've never met her
On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?
10 chrissy is fucking adorible!!!
What language does 19 speak?
Who is 8 going out with?
no fucking clue it's been a while sence we spoke
Is 18 a boy or a girl?
When was the last time you've seen 9?
when i was in ashleys car a few days ago
What is 3's favorite band?
I don't even know if I want to know
Does 6 have any siblings?
Would you ever date 20?
Is 15 single?
no with chris
What is 14s middle name?
whats 10's last name?
What is 16's fantasy?
probably something weird like vampire shit or something I have no clue and frankly don't give a rats ass
Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?
Probably not chrissy isn't laid back and hippy enough for it...it's her mothers fault LOL
What school does 4 go to?
Bayless High school I believe
What school does 1 go to?
I don't think she goes to school but she works at pennstation and is adorible
Where does 2 live?
Down the same road I live off but in the city not in the county
Would you make out with 9?
no he's dating my friend
Are 5 and 6 best friends?
Is 16 older than you?
by a year yes
I was so upset about me and angie I got sick last night...I was vomiting up everything I ate. I think it;s b/c I cryed to hard...it upset my stomach. I still have to fight off tears.
She doesn't want to think about it b/c its easier for her. I wish I could be numb too. I wish I could just not think about it.
but instead I just hurt. I want to be her friend soo bad and I'm sure we'll be able to be friends...as long as she doesn't invite adam to schwag. I'd die.
I love her so much as a person.
Honostly I knew it wouldn't last...I just hoped it would.
I hate feeling so much.
I feel ugly...and disgusting...and stupid.
and I feel like my insides are crumpling...
I miss her....
I love her....and always will
Dresdon Dolls was awsome they rocked and I had a great time with the most beautiful amazing girl ever.
There was a reaaaalllly HORRID opening band but they only played FOUR FUCKING songs...which was too many but I had angie to laugh with. She mad me smile about them intead of vomiting. I got kinda pissed as some tall bitches that wedged their way infront of us but it all worked out..we could see fine. We ran into those tall girls again after the show at a Deny's 20 minutes away LOL! Ian our friend tryed talking to them but we where like NO! *giggles* neither of us wanted to be buddy buddy.
I have to work tonight...It's like my first day without angie in almost 2 weeks...I miss her...it's nice to have someone around..that you can just chill and be yourself around..it's like alone time but not really alone time...I'm not making sence. Anyway...this is real alone time and I have nothing to do but eat HER popcycles (I know I know..I'm buying us more...we should take them to schwag in a cooler) and masterbate. I have to f-ing work at 6...thats all for now...I'm trying to wash my own clothes *LMAO*
love is all you need
For once in my life the person whom I love loves me back *melts* and they are the best. I've been happier than I ever have been before during the last few days...it's an amazing feeling...I want to scream and dance I'm so happy. I've spent every night in this persons arms sence I told them how I felt. *sighs* I just don't know how to say how happy I am but I feel free....scared at the same time though. scared this feeling will be taken away. I hope it doesn't...I suppose its better to have truely felt it than to have never felt it before, still I hope this lasts forever...b/c thats how long I'll love them.
Other than that schools kicking my ass and I want out so bad...my body hurts from all this shit. *sighs* SOOooo much to do and so little time. I don't even care anymore. is that bad? well....I gotta go...
the world is coming to a.....begining?
Its time. For me to need no one. the only thing I need is to stop needing other people.
Its time I recognize how amazing I am and how strong I am...
I think I'm so weak all the time but people keep telling me how strong I am and I think, for the first time their right...
I'm a strong amazing women and it's time for me to realize it...
I only hope I can...
Here I go...watch me grow....
yes I own a real journal
yep thats right I own my own journal...I've wanting to post entries from it...so here I go...here is some stuff I write in my real life journal:
Do you ever feel so alone that your insides ache, so alone that it's painful?
Its funny I'm surrounded by thousands of people, talk to hundreds a day and I still feel so alone. I wish I could find one person who'd make me feel less alone. I've found a few but they never seem to get it...never seem to understand what it is to be completely alone. To feel that ache deep in your chest constricting, sufficating. To feel empty and distant. To feel so far from yourself that you're not even sure you're you anymore. To be so far gone you simply need to touch someone to feel you're own skin. to touch someone to bring you back to yourself. god how I want that person that one person to bring me back to myself. that person to understand and for them to give a shit...never reach for the stars,you'll only strain yourself. Never shoot for the stars you'll crash and burn in a firey hell....
Why does life, love hurt us this way. why do we never get what we want? and is it selfish to want it
P.S. NO this is about no imperticular....but me.
I have a dream I might actually be able to find someone someday. someone who will actually appreciate me and not take me for granite. Someone who will love me unconditionally, show it, and never leave me, never cheat on me. Someone I can grow old with and share everything with. Someone who only sees the beautiful things about me. Everyday I loose hope of this dream, I won't die alone and crushed. Reality is harsh and in reality your hope for something better gets crushed over and over again. but you can't help but hope. reality is harsh. and I wonder if it ever ends? this harsh cycle we torture ourselves with. forgive me if I'm cynical I am but a distroyed soul void of all hope....sorry try again
P.S. Keep in mind these where written a while ago....they just hold true today as well...
Mood: with life
the fact of it all
I don't think she gets it.
I don't want her to need anyone but me.
yeah its selfish but i think love is like that....
am I wrong for all this?
the one who never runs after me...
the one who never runs after ME....
So I'm fucking up the best relationship I've ever had...
I love her more than she'll ever love me...
She loves me like a puppy and I love her like the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with....
I hate myself b/c I'm not enough
I'll never be enough
why am I the one always giving the kisses? Why am I the one who bleeds?
why does no one want me? WHAT THE FUCK AM I? NOThing...GOD I wish I had anything sharp....anything...
something please kill me I'm too stupid to know how...
NW PITURE!!! aren't I cute!
I don't have much time and am hungry as shit. Plus I need a cig...and maybe a bowl. its early. Anyway. I lost my virginity about a month ago..maybe a month and a half. I've so become a nympho I kinda thought it would happen...I just love sex sooo much. It shouldn't be this hard though. I just want a fuck buddy who will have sex with me almost as much as I want. *giggles* I don't think it'll ever happen...I have a bigger sex drive than a fucking rabbit. *sighs* and I'm horny now...this blows. WHere are all the dicks?
What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Yours are DEMON wings, possibly resembling
those of a bat - huge, black, and clawed. You
are cold and impure, and a born Creature of the
Night. Possibly with an interest in those of a
vampyric nature, or possibly one yourself. You
have little sympathy or care for humanity and
see them as existing for no real purpose -
thus, you can be very manipulative and bend
them to fit YOUR purpose. And you do have a
purpose, to everything you do. Nine times out
of ten it will be strictly for your own self
gratification or perhaps merely amusement. As
soon as a person or situation is no longer
productive or pleasurable in your life, you
will rid yourself of it or them. You could very
well have just a touch of superiority complex
(or perhaps more than a touch?). Despite all of
this, you are capable of love so intense that
you place that person's wishes even above your
own - the only time that you will do so.
Chances are you are attracted to people in
which you see...yourself. Though many hate you
for your carelessness and evil...Sexy, fierce,
sinful, and mysterious...you turn me on.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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Wow its been slow in my head
I've been smoking alot. My mind hurts. This last week has been hard. My body is shutting down and I can feel it. I like to feel myself die, if you can't feel it how will you enjoy it. We live to die. Anyway I got an A on a paper today. it was worth 50% of my grade. I'm happy...I guess. My head hurts it all moves so slow. my life moves slowly. time moves slowly. I could go nutz here. 3 more years LOL. Nah its ok I just need someone. someone special to me in the way I need them to be...I don't make much sence. I always feel alone here. Or like my existance doesn't mean shit.
I bleed from my eyes
alright I'm gonna TRY and write all I want to say but we'll see. I get bored fast. SO I like this guy (no name needed) and he doesn't know I like him that I know of. I don't want to ask if he likes me b/c I'm afraid of the answer. I don't know what to do and its killing me to see him flirt with other people. I can't just tell him I like him though that could be bad....*SIGH* I don't know what to do. I feel really lost with this one. sometimes he acts like he likes me but than other times he acts like he doesn't give two shits. I'm confused and I can't stop liking him....grrrrr!!! I HATE liking people that don't like me back this sucks. oh and I cut again. nothing serious...just scraps. no blood so we're good. It was all about the pain baby...LOL anyway I'm outtie...early start tomorrow.
hey to all who still reads this
To whom ever reads this I'm sorry. I might not be posting anymore....we'll see. I doubt anyone will miss it. I don't want anyone who DOESN"T want to be apart of my life accidently read it...
Day by day my life falls away
ok so I've been having a good time. college is great and everyone here is great. I've still been smokin and lovin it...its just harder now to get and smoke. it kinda sucks. We are chillin at 1:32 am talkin to these girls...kellys kinda crazy.
Ok So I move Thursday for college. I'm excited but kinda scared. My room sounds nothing like me and she probably won't get me at all...She refered to someone as beng goth as an insult...*sighs* why me? Her favorite colors are pink and purple. *pouts* I can be girly...I can...I am. I'm just girly in a black dark kinda way. She wears a size 5 too. ok ok so I haven't met her and she seems nice I think I just had a "fantasy" in my head of what it could be like but....its not. her classes are all morning and mine are evening so I'll get alone time...*beams* I'm scared...but excited. I'll miss my friends and I'll miss smoking. I'll miss the wake and bakes....*sniffles* well I'll always have the weekends...
Just another day in the life of....(lost of intrest)
My life has been uneventful....but that could be because I'm a stoner and don't do anything but smoke and have fun and chill. ANYWAY I'm moving to college soon so I may be lacking in everything on_line...but I love you all and will think of you often if you want my cell numbre let me know..
So I'm in Wisconsin...which isn't really cool or anything. visiting Bridgett. Her friends are so terrible and dull and there is nothing to do here I feel bad for her. Well I met this girl Carissa. She's Amazing. she's beautiful and funny and she sassy. we hung out today. Only for a bit because I didn't have alot of time. we had fun though..or well I did. We talked and cut up a shirt and got food. I wanted to kiss her but kinda chickened out...I didn't know how she'd react I'm bad at reading people when it comes to stuff like that. I'm actually sad about leaving this place because of her. I mean we just met and I don't really know her but I'd like to get to know her better and maybe I will but we're 6 and half hours away. this sucks.I mean I don't even know if she likes me too so...it might not matter....*shrugs* my journal is lame and I think I should shut up....